" Another weekend in Potterbien came and gone. Mondays are a great time to reflect on your weekend and see how much of a success if was or wasn’t. Personally, my weekend included pretending a cooler full of juice was a treasure chest in Zelda (sound effects and all mind you), playing edward fortyhands with some of my favorite people and going to a mixer fully glitter-fied. Wait was that three days? Right, I started on Thursday. Whatever, I usually can put away half a bottle of whiskey on a Wednesday (get on my level).
Between continuing to shake glitter out of my hair and laughing at the fact that I stole an entire purse-full of beer while on my adventures this time I’ve come to the conclusion that Potterbein (at least the Potterbein that I know and love) actively encourages its students to fully pursue and build on their substance abuse. Now now, don’t get all worked up that Otterbein’s dry campus is promoting drinking, or anything like that. Feel free to stay in and study like most students, some of us choose to put our social lives above our studies and we are in a constant state of sleep deprivation because as a result while we spend our sober hours catching up on school work. But really, we go to a school that is small enough that you probably see most of the same people every single day and probably know their first name at least. Shit, you probably know someone they’ve slept with and what they did last weekend for the most part. Why in the hell people can stand staying sober when we’re stuck in such a cesspool is beyond me and if you can more power to you.
But really, our campus is so small that there really is so little to do apart from work in the library or hang out with friends and throw back a couple of cold ones. It starts out innocently with thirsty Thursdays as a freshman, something so novel and ‘college’ that you can’t possibly resist. You start off timidly, drinking a few beers and leaving by one o’clock explaining to everyone “I have class tomorrow”. Give it a few months and you’re taking shots like a champ all night and stumbling home somewhere around four in the morning. Wake up the next morning, shower and chug some water and off to class with only a slight headache and sunglasses in February because it’s too damn bright outside. Congrats, you’re well on your way to becoming a functioning alcoholic!
Fast-forward a year later. Now you’re scheduling your classes so there’s no way in hell that you have to wake up before noon on a Friday because you plan on getting ‘white girl wasted’ at least every Thursday. Not too mention how perfect Wednesday nights are for relaxing with a bottle of wine or two. It might result in you falling down the stairs and possibly attempting to fight some of your close friends but it’s all in good fun right? Mardi Gras on a Tuesday? You better believe that’s reason enough to pound down some New Orleans whiskey, play drinking games all night and forget your walk home. Grapefruit mojitos night? Yeah another situation that may result in you falling down more slippery fucking steps and lying about spilling a friend’s beer that you hid sneakily in your jacket. “NO, I didn’t spill…Okay, maybe just a little bit. Okay it might be all over my shirt” It’s not that you can’t have fun without drinking, it’s just that you and all of your close friends are so much more fun when you’re drinking together. You’re all perfectly fantastic people sober, but also all on the brink of being crazy enough that we just like to have a good old time and that usually includes a case and a bong or two. You know you’ve graduated to truly functioning alcoholic when you can go to class on Wednesday hung-over enough that you have to leave the room and puke. Heck it isn’t very classy but you still made it to class and sat through the entire thing, vomiting and all.
Now, you may beg to differ and I can’t blame you. Everyone has their preferences and I respect that. But if you’re one of the resident crazies of Potterbein I’m sure you agree with me. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being crazy and liking to drink. I’ll warn you however, once you start hanging out with us, it’ll rub off on you eventually. In fact, here I sit on a Monday night, typing this up while waiting for a forty of Cobra to arrive so I can celebrate finishing all my homework for the upcoming week on time. Don’t judge, one won’t even make a dent in my alcohol tolerance, however the shots of rum and mixed drinks might… "
Drink on, throw glitter, spread the love
Ke$ha
No comments:
Post a Comment