Things That Only Happen at Otterbein

Hi kids,

Hope everyone had a great Derby/Cinco de Mayo/supermoon weekend. I know mine was interesting, as apparently at the bar I was shouting "Everyone's Mexican!" Fuck knows, I don't remember. Drinking since noon, watching the Derby, I kind of set myself up for a night of total belligerence.

What I want to talk about now, is a list I have compiled with friends of things that seem to only happen at Otterbein. As much as I was urged to put them in a certain order, honestly, I'm tired and don't give any fucks to do so. So enjoy.

1. Straight twinks. If you don't know what a twink is, stop watching ESPN and take a stroll around Otterbein. Twinks are tiny little gay boys, which actually in my mind is mostly a term of endearment instead of a jest. Straight twinks are boys, that I literally just recently discovered Friday exist, that are two skinny for their damn good and really need to stop being mostly awkward. Haha.

2. This is an obvious one, most of the guys here are questionable as to what their orientation is. Even the ones you are so damn sure are straight. I feel like the girl population is starting to become the same way, as there are more girls here than guys. Gay for the stay I guess.

3. Only at Otterbein would a closed door be more commonly associated with people smoking weed, versus having sex.

4. Only at Otterbein would there still be some sort of force against weed, started by people clearly in denial. We don't call this cesspool pOtterbein for shits and gigs, just saying. So keep your fucking signs to your self and stop wasting trees. Start smoking them.

5. If you find yourself waking up the next morning from a night out of raging, and you still think  you shouldn't drive, then welcome a. to my level, and b. to things that I feel really only happen at Otterbein. Yeah, you can drink yourself silly at OSU, but let's get real, we are our own version of OSU.

6. Day drinking at 10 am. I personally fucking love day drinking. 'Nough said.

7. Needing alcohol to do homework. I know more people that crack open a beer or pour a glass of wine before starting papers than people who don't.

8. Smoking a bowl in the McDonald's drive thru with fellow student peers really doesn't seem to phase any of those involved. Only at Otterbein.

9. Missing pink bathtubs (still a what the fuck was the OPD thinking moment) is not really considered out of the ordinary, but a topic of conversation as to who was dumb enough to commit the crime.

10. Taking 6 hits of acid to "see what happens". I mean really, it was 2 pm on a Saturday. It's still a more common response though to say why the fuck I wasn't invited than to be surprised someone it tripping.

11. Having hallucinations in class because you may or may not have done too much hallucinogens in life. And it's only your sophomore year, and shrooms are still on the list of shit to do.

12. Risking personal safety to get Otterden because you're too stoned to consider anything else.

13.  Getting high 5'd after sex. For real? I know many people who have fallen victim to the awkward high five, and the desperate search for other shoe in hopes to get the fuck out of there.

14. Sex is like hugs here. Free and everyone does it, without much thought or attachment afterwards.

15. Being more upset at the OPD for letting some masked man leave your house without questions, than discovering your own friend was the culprit and was just going around stealing alcohol with a Nixon mask. Really, it's pretty common to shrug off those shenanigans than to be upset. Only at Otterbein.

16. People coming like ants to a picnic when a box of whip its appear during spring cleaning.

17. Finding a random box of whip its while spring cleaning.

18. The campus police force is more like a group of rent-a-cops who really need to get their priorities straight.

19. The most talented people you know are probably the messiest people you know. Only at Otterbein.

20. Being more concerned that someone might vomit on your shit, versus being concerned that the bitch is passed out. Seriously, they'll be fine.

And finally, my person favorite... 21. Only at Otterbein is there a need to differentiate between cokes. "Hey can you pick me up some coke to do with our whiskey? No, the liquid kind."


I'll probably come up with some more things to add to the list while getting wasted with some friends. Have some more laughs.

Until next time,

Rage on motherfuckers. School's almost over, and it's been a hell of a year.

xoxo

TO