1:1 What the Fuck?

Today I ran to the med center to get an excuse for a class I missed last week, and was bombarded with the 1:1 If At All compaign, and I thought, 1:1 what the fuck is that? The nurses just shrugged and said something about campus drinking, and my friend and I laughed.

So, now I'm sitting down getting ready to study and I manage to see the link about the 1:1 campaign on Otterbein Ozone homepage. After reading it, I'm still left thinking, what...the...fuck?

Let me begin my analysis by stating whoever wrote about the campaign has very few English composition skills, if at all. Some of you may argue I do not either, but at least I like to put some emotion behind my writing, along with rational thought.

Here is an excerpt I would like to begin with,

"A ratio for low-risk alcohol consumption....MORE THAN ONE DRINK PER HOUR = GETTING DRUNK. GETTING DRUNK = HIGH RISK DRINKING.  High risk drinking = hangovers, blackouts (a.k.a. memory loss), passing out, vomiting, increased risk of date-rape, alcohol poisoning, dependence issues, violations of the law, academic problems and other really bad stuff. ... GET THE FACTS AND KNOW YOUR LIMITS. INABILITY TO RESTRICT DRINKING TO 1:1 (IF AT ALL) DEFINITION INDICATES POTENTIAL DEPENDENCY PROBLEMS - TALK TO SOMEONE IN THE KNOW - SOONER, NOT LATER."

I couldn't help but start laughing while reading the above excerpt. I wish I could take them seriously, truly, I see the effort these poor, social life-less bastards are putting forth. Clearly, they have many statistics they have put time into recruiting for their studies, including the oh so definitive statistics behind " other really bad stuff." Now don't get me wrong, date rape, alcohol poisoning, and drunk driving are serious issues, and I stand 100 % efforts to educate the community about those topics, but claiming that getting drunk = high risk drinking, and therefore leading to the downfall as you as an upstanding citizen of this community? Ha, give me a fucking break.

I have experienced much of what the author proclaims as "high risk drinking." Of course, I've vomited and I'm sure most of society would consider the Boot-and-Rally a signature sign of blatant alcoholism, but at the same time, who cares? And I've definitely had more hang overs than I can even begin to count, and blacked out, woof, many times. But I'm also in college, and if this isn't the perfect time to rage my face off, when is?

" Choosing not to drink is cool; b.t.w. over one third of Otterbein students choose not to drink (and that's a fact, Jack)."

O.m.g gag me. I'm sure that one third of the campus probably doesn't choose to tell you they drink, and even if that fact is true, "Jack", I'm sure that's the part of campus who wake up in time for church on Sundays, and spend their evenings watching re-runs of Glee and celebrating Justin Bieber's 18th birthday. I'm sure their parents weren't overbearing fucks, and they have photo shoots of their siblings wearing floral on the beach.

While neo-Prohibitionists clearly are the architects behind this ridiculous campaign, I really wish some people would step out of their fucking box and into the real world.
As for me, my bed time will never be before 11 pm, I will spend weekend mornings nursing my hang overs, and I will gladly continue on my path to personal and social destruction. Fuck you very much.


Cheers, bitches!


xoxo TO